as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
