I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
