White coat. Heels.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
