she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
