haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
