im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
