I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
