Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
