Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
