ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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