no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
