Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
