My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
