I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
