I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
