honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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