omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
