Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
