I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love having hate sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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