he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
