I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Don't EVER smell your tampon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
