I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
