im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
