New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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