So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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