we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
