Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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