xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
