There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pants are for mortals
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
