And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
