I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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