I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
