I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
