Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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