Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My liver just had a heart attack.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
