It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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