4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
