ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
