who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
