Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
