so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
