sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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