somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
