If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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