You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
