It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
