It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
