never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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