Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
