South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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